Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Can't sleep...

I want so badly to sleep right now, but i finally have given up on it... I laid in bed for over an hour tonight but I just could not fall asleep for the life of me. My mind just won't stop thinking! I am truly envious of a males capability to literally think nothing at all. I have never, not thought anything. that would be wonderful sometimes!!

I'm such a planner, I love to be able to figure things out and plan how they are going to go. Things like where we are going, what we are going to do, etc... I love that feeling of knowing how things will turn out. Well in this season of my life I don't get that luxury anymore. We literally can't plan anything and it sucks. So it puts me in a little bit of place where I don't really know what to do. Like I would spend so much time planning things and now i have nothing to plan... so I do it with other things: money, my day, dinner, my weekend (although even my weekends I can't really plan out cause we never know what they will look like...) and occasionally I try to plan life AFTER the army... but that's just as much unknown as life right now... It's just so hard for me feeling so helpless in that area. Definitely takes lots of trust that's for sure.

I know everything will work out and it will all be fine, but sometimes I just can't see it. I feel like i'm walking blindly through life, not by choice but by necessity. I can honestly say that even the smallest bit of information would feel amazing right now. even if that information was simply his graduation date or when we will move. something. but no. not now. I must wait more. waiting is my new norm. and that's just how it is...

Have a good day

1 comment:

Mareisa said...

I want you to know that I understand the waiting part, and also that time will fly by way faster than you imagine. I was a military kid my whole life, and I somehow married a man who wanted to join the army. I think we will have tons to talk about when i get there soon.

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