Saturday, January 19, 2013

New Year, New Mentality

This year I want to make a change.  Well, not just one change but many. And not just for this year, but for my life in general. For so long I have lived my life wanting more out of it.  Wanting to be inspired, wanting to be healthier, wanting to look at life very different than most Americans look at life.  I want to be different.  But I just sat and did nothing.  I would talk all this talk and dream about how life would be, but I never really saw that my life could be that way right where I am at.

Maybe it's just knowing that we are getting out of the Army this year, or maybe it's just finally being able to look at my life objectively.  Whatever got my to where I am, I am thankful for it.  I feel like it has been a series of events that have all tied together.  But I want a change.  I want to live my life with intentionality and inspiration.  I always have...

After I had Marie, I was really ready to lose the baby weight, but for the first few months I would not actually do anything to meet that goal. Mostly because I was not emotionally ready, which was totally fine.  However, at the beginning of 2013 I decided I was going to make a dramatic change. I decided to cut out all Gluten products, Dairy Products, and Animal Proteins from my diet (So basically just eating things that were natural).  This was supposed to be only a few days, but it ended up being much bigger than I thought it would be.  After about 3 easy days, I hit my first wall. My mom made dinner one night that was all foods I loved.  I was at a crossroads.  I wanted to continue my diet, but up to this point it was just that, a diet.  So I didn't care about it as much as I thought I did. So I wanted the food she made as well.  For about an hour I walked around the house struggling constantly about whether or not to eat the food she made.  I finally decided that I needed to continue my diet change, however I realized that this was an emotional journey as well....

I am emotionally connected to food. I've known this for a long time. However, I never really thought of it as a bad thing until now.  I realized that it's not a healthy connection with food. So I decided to continue keeping gluten and dairy out of my diet.  This has been a welcomed challenge.  Not only am I relearning what food is good for me, how is it good for me, and how does it affect my body, I am also learning that the food I eat is so important for my overall health.

I have also begun exercising again.  I really want to work towards my goal of running a marathon at some point! So I joined a gym with childcare so that I can go as often as I can and have begun putting a focus on myself and trying to get my energy and feel better about myself! I absolutely miss running regularly.

My mom has always told me that not having organization costs you money. I have since learned that this is true. I have lost formula coupons, gift cards, and bills.  It also costs you in time and stress. I have spent hours trying to find things or just felt generally stressed when I walk into my room.

The other day I was watching "Clean Freaks" on TLC. It really inspired me to become more organized.  Now, I don't want to be THAT crazy! Sometimes I feel too much organization and structure is not a good thing.  However, I would like when I have my own place again, to walk into it and feel refreshed, not stressed. I want to have a way to keep my papers in order so that I can easily find the things that I need and don't have to search for a long time.

Part of organization is also keeping things clean.  I have really made an effort to keep up with picking things up after myself, wiping things off as they need to be, and not letting things sit on the counter or my bed. I realized that even though I'm not living in my own house right now, that I will never be used to taking care of a house, until I begin.  So I have started now. And trust me, my mom is loving it!

Art has always been very important to me. However, I lost my inspiration to do any kind of art over the last few years.  A lot has happened that has forced me to re-examine where and how art fit into my life.  The biggest part of it is Photography.  I have always loved being behind the camera and seeing something that someone else may not be able to see.

Recently I attended a fashion photography workshop that taught me about the business of photography as well as opened my eyes to a whole different world of possibilities!  I don't know yet what direction I want to take my photography business, however I am beginning to refocus and figure out exactly where I want to put all my attention. This new found inspiration is exactly what I needed to get myself back out there.  Now, I still have so much work ahead of me, but I got the push I needed.

I also learned that inspiration isn't always just in existence.  Some times you have to search it out.  You have to push forward and do things that aren't necessarily good, to get to a place of greatness.  That applies to every aspect of my life.

I have always wanted everything I do to feel inspired, and in all reality I need to focus on the moments between inspiration to reach a place that is truly great.


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